| Having spent the last six months of my life on a fairly concentrated job search - I'm looking for a position as a financial writer or communications professional - it's become obvious to me there are parallels between finding the perfect job and finding the perfect date or future mate. Both are sales games of a sort. Both are challenging right now, with the job scene an employer's market, and the singles scene a bachelor's market. And, both ask a lot of us: We're expected to be at our best, physically, mentally and intellectually. We've got to approach life with a smile and positive attitude. We've got to keep looking (at least for a job unless there's a million bucks in the bank). And we need to take care of ourselves so we can get up again tomorrow and do it all over again.
Oh goodie joy.
Well. In an effort to bolster my own emotions, and help those who may benefit from some words from a sister in the trenches, I'm sharing a few lessons I've learned.
Button Your Lip When You're Feeling Desperate
We all say stupid things when the pressure is on. It may be asking your professional contacts, "So, do you have any jobs there?" when all you were supposed to be doing is asking for general advice, or asking your crush when he doesn't call, "Are you mad at me or am I being paranoid?" Unemployment happens. You're human. Be kind to yourself.
Don't Defend Yourself Too Much
After the interview is over, the resume explained, your writing samples e-mailed and your success stories belabored, there's only so much you can do. Similarly, your moral character, values and the way you treat baby animals and children should be clear after a few dates. Let who you are stand on its own. Don't grovel. It's unprofessional and it might just smudge your makeup.
Don't Be a Pest
In the job search, as in dating, you want to show you're interested without being annoying. Keep in touch every now and then, at least until the deal is closed or the rejection letter has arrived. But don't become a stalker. Companies and dates have their own lives. You should, too.
Don't Take It So Personally
Rejection (by the company or date) of your dreams hurts. However, in an employer's market, the fact no one called for an interview is probably not personal. Likewise, the fact your crush didn't call for a few days (weeks/months/fill in the blank) is probably not personal, either. After all, this isn't junior high or Survivor, where everyone overreacts to unintended slights. At our age, life gets in the way sometimes. Everyone's busy and sometimes that's all looming silence means.
Don't Let the Quest Define Your Life
Get some perspective. Whether your search is for a job or a love, you can't focus on it 24/7 without losing your mind and all of your self-confidence. Get involved in other activities, whether it's vacuuming the entire house in 15 minutes flat or organizing all your tools in alphabetical order. Get a little angry (in a controlled way) and turn the volume up past "11" as you channel Joan Jett on I Hate Myself for Loving You. Smash a guitar if you have to – your laptop, if you must - but resist the temptation to define yourself exclusively as a job seeker or a single. You're more than the sum of your frustrations.
Put On Your Own Oxygen Mask Before Helping Others
What's true on an airplane is true off the plane, too. As my therapist has said, three inches from my face: “Focus! Focus! Focus!" He means I should stop obsessing about the glacial pace of my life, get in touch with my own interests and skills, and take good care of myself while indulging in a little wine and chocolate.
Recognize this too shall pass. You'll eventually get work. If you don't, you'll figure out something else to do with your time, like writing slightly sarcastic articles that could bring you some small fame. Likewise, you may eventually get a date or find love. If you don't, you can always buy a pet and start your new life as the crazy cat lady.
Next installment: Why I spend late Saturday nights sitting in the garage listening to the 13-minute version of Boz Skaggs moaning Somebody Loan Me A Dime, backed by the late, great Duane Allman on guitar. Sad, but true.
<i>Jenny L. Herring, APR, is a financial writer and public relations professional with experience in both institutional and retail asset management. </i>
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| Cat Lover (New Jersey) |
on 08 Jan 2009 at 11:21 am |
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| Thanks for the laugh. I too have been on the seeking. It is very hard to just " keep the chin up" when the bills are high and the income low and crawling.... I do find when I start to take it too seriously it is very helpful to distract yourself with something that is of interest and fun and totally different than looking for a job and when I get " back to it " I gain a better perspective. I wish all to use their time as a moment of soul searching and maybe the old phrase " It has been for the best" could come true. Allot of people I have found needed that " kick in the ass " to go out and get that better job. Good Luck All! |
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| Lyn (Grahamstoen) |
on 07 Jan 2009 at 10:16 am |
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| Lovely article but comparing matters of the heart to work/career?? I don't know that career issues are as EMOTIONALLY involving as heart issues.....esp for us women. You'll be surprised how many women give up their careers for their relationships....and yes sometimes vice versa. |
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| Nwport Wine Guy (Newport Beach, CA) |
on 07 Jan 2009 at 12:30 am |
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As my favorite character on TV says frequently, Your an Idiot! (Dr. Gregory House)
1) Having money or driving an expensive car can often get you a date, it WON'T get you a job unless you are buying or investing in the firm,
2) Many times dates happen for superficial reasons, resumes are screened and puff resumes will get tossed while puff daters will not.
3) A dater will at least look and talk to you before shooting you down.All firms shoot you down without seeing more than a piece of paper from you.
Wine Guy |
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| Alex (San Mateo) |
on 06 Jan 2009 at 8:05 pm |
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Where is the bachelor market? I thought it is always the woman that decide who can play.
The job market is dry now, and you are right. It is hard to milk a rock, without getting broken skin and bleed. We need to have a sense of humor and move on, give oursleves some dignity. The laid off news never stop.
It is human nature that we take advantage of the situation. Employers probably wrote the same thought when it was an employees' market. |
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| kc (california) |
on 06 Jan 2009 at 4:02 pm |
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I have an ex-husband you would love. I thought he wrote this article until I saw your name. Seriously the two of you have the same temperament and writing style (dry humor). He is in PA.
Great article - I might have taken on more in not defending oneself. We all have made mistakes in the past, and we usually beat ourselves up more than anyone else does. Be kind to yourself, especially when asked what are your weakness. Also be willing to acknowledge when a job did not match your style, expectations or what they advertised versus what they really wanted.
A great book that is out is Vijay Sathe's "Manage Your Career - 10 Keys to Survival and Success When Interviewing and on the Job." The book is just out, but I was fortunate enough to take his course at Drucker, which was wonderful. It speaks to the one item we have a hard time finding out about in interviews and that is the culture of an organization. Many careers fail because there is not a cultural match.
Good luck in your job search. |
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| micky allen (frozen britain) |
on 06 Jan 2009 at 3:55 pm |
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| Ah yes Boz Scaggs and Duane Allman (Somebody loan me a Dime), it is almost as good as Eric Clapton and Duane Allman (Layla) |
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| Marilyn (Phoenix Arizona) |
on 06 Jan 2009 at 3:48 pm |
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This was a great article. I sent it to my good friend in California who has also been in the job hunt for 6 mos and is highly experienced and talented. Thank you for sharing your story that we can all relate to.
Go Girl! |
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| Rory Lynch (Saint Helena, California) |
on 06 Jan 2009 at 2:58 pm |
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Jenny, you available to go out on a date? Give me a shout...should you be passing thru wine country (Napa Valley). I got the wines, you bring the chocolates. www.terravalentine.com Look it up when you're in town.
Rory |
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| Johanna (Washinton, DC) |
on 06 Jan 2009 at 2:54 pm |
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| This article is right on the money, it can't get more clear than this! Funny enough that my father was explaining the same parallels to me yesterday night, perfect timing. |
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| traveller (Argentina) |
on 06 Jan 2009 at 2:50 pm |
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interesting article. Well written. It got me smiling... In fact what is described may apply to almost any circumstances. It all depends on our approach.
kind regards
one traveller |
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